Fire Emblem: Los Conquistadores
by An Earthbound Writer
Summary: "This plot is stupid," began Niles, picking at his fingernails. "Maybe if it were more like Jojo, this game wouldn't be so bad." Azura fumed at his words. "PLEASE, Niles, let us just follow this game's script and do as we were told. I'm begging you at this point." Niles simply smirked. He leaned in until he was simply inches from Azura's face. "No."
1. Underground Rickets

**Fire Emblem**

 **Los Conquistadores**

 **Part 1: Underground Rickets**

* * *

"Awaken, my master!" Corrin's eyes popped wide open, and he sat up on his bed, breathing heavily. Four people stood over his bed-Gunther the knight, Jakob the Butler, and Waifu-trons 8000 and 9000; also known as Flora and Felicia. "Oh good, you're awake. Is your body okay?"

Corrin blinked and tilted his head in confusion. "Jakob, why do you ask me this everyday?"

"Well, no sun means that rickets could come over you any day, so I just wanted to make sure you're fine," he said with a charming smile and a nod. "After the Hoshidians stole our sun, life just hasn't been the same since."

"Those damn Hoshidians, stealing our sun and our dirt like that, forcing us to live underground," Corrin said to himself, shaking his head in disgust. "Anyway, Xander's here for my training today, isn't he?"

"Beep boop boop bop, correct my master," said Flora.

"Let us be on our way, desu desu," said Felicia in her usual cold, mechanical voice. A burst of smoke exited out of her exhaust pipe.

"Right! Today's the day I overcome my brother and prove myself worthy of being a Nohrian prince!"

"My lord, you're already a Nohrian Noble; it's your starting class," pointed out Gunter, already winded after speaking.

"Enough of that," Corrin insisted, smirking and waving him off. "Wish me luck everyone! I'll do great today."

Five minutes later, Corrin found himself tasting the stone that made up the battlefield. "Lost again," he muttered. "But a hero doesn't give up! I'll never surrender, no matter how much-" a hoof from Xander's horse slammed his face back onto the floor.

"Get up Corrin," Xander said as he signed the numerous autographs that the rickets-ridden peasant children begged him for. "A real prince of Nohr would never let a horse crushing the back of his skull get in the way of victory." He pursed his lips into a thin frown, looking down at Corrin's unmoving body.

"Brother, I believe Corrin isn't breathing."

"Give him a second, I'm sure he's planning an elaborate comeback."

Leo shrugged and resumed reading his book. "I'll be sure to tell father that it's your fault we have a retarded prince, then."

"Hmm...all right girl, you can let him go now," he ushered his horse back, and it reluctantly followed his orders. "Corrin, are you all right? Do you want to me to call Elise?"

"N-No-!" he said, getting up and rubbing the blood off of his face. "I'm fine. I've still got some fight left within me."

Xander let out a hearty laugh, worthy of a crown prince. "Oh Corrin, you always know how to make me laugh. Now then, Elise, get over here!"

"Elise, Elise!" A smile instantly arrived on Corrin' visage as the twin-tailed twelve-year old girl ran towards him, brandishing a heal staff.

"Eighteen," Leo corrected the narrator like a fucking plebian. "She's eighteen in these shores, no matter how much you try to deny it."

"Leo, stop speaking to your imaginary boyfriends and get over here," said Camilla in her lizard voice. "You'll make Niles and Odin jealous. Besides, this is a joyous occasion. I have finally found the fourth dragon ball, leaving only three more until my wish for immortality is in my grasp!" She began to laugh, haunting the citizens of Nohr once more. "Oh, and Corrin gets to leave the fortress now too."

"Wait, what?!" Corrin shoved Elise to the ground and made his way over to Leo and Camilla. "I get to leave? I can go home with you guys?"

Chuckling, Leo nodded, allowing his charming and iconic smirk to take over. "That's right, brother. It was actually I who convinced father to do this."

* * *

"...Leo, where's Corrin? I just noticed he's gone." King Garon asked from his throne, looking towards the only other person in the room.

"Father, do you not remember? You sent Corrin into the dark, forbidden fortress for stealing a cookie before dinner. 12 years ago," said Leo in his calm and unfazed tone.

Seemingly amused, King Garon's boisterous laughter echoed in the chamber of his own design. "Leo," he began, still smiling, "I would like to believe myself to be a father that doesn't send his children in time-out for twelve years and then forget about them completely."

"And you would be correct, father," said Leo with a nod. Satisfied with that response, King Garon leaned back into his chair and began to doze off. "It's actually 13 years now. Next week will be both Corrin's 18 birthday and 13 year anniversary of being sent to time-out."

The king's eyes widened in shock.

* * *

"It took quite a bit of effort to convince him to let you go," said Leo. "I expect this favor to be paid in full sometime soon."

"Wow Leo, so I get to leave this place in time for my birthday?"

"Did you or did you not listen to what I just said?" With a sigh, Leo shook his head and began to walk off. "I'll go ask Lilith to get the horses ready. Corrin, go get two retainers out of the four you've got and meet me at the front of the fortress."

"Got it!"

Moments later, Corrin arrived at the stables with Felicia, Camilla, Xander, Elise, and Gunther in tow. "We're here," he said, calling out to anyone in it.

"Oh Corrin!" A deep, masculine voice rang out, and a heavy-set man dressed in an oufit that would more benefiting for a ranch girl came out of the shadows. "I'm so glad to see you here. Is it finally time for you to go?" With a melancholy frown, he stepped forward and embraced Corrin. "I'll see you again one day, won't it?"

"I'll be back soon to visit you, Lilith," said Corrin, smiling brightly at the towering man in front of him.

"Oh, you lovely boy," Lilith said, letting him go and bringing his fists close to his chest, gushing at Corrin in front of him. "Such a wonderful boy, I just want to take that cute little behind of yours and-"

"LILITH, sweetie!" Camilla began with gritted teeth, covering Corrin's virgin ears with Xander handled Elise. "You're speaking out loud again, honey. You should probably do something about that."

"O-Oh, oh my. W-Well, you all should probably get going now. The horses are all ready for you," Lilith said with a bow. "I'll see you soon."

"Oh thank goodness," Camilla whispered as Lilith walked away. "We can finally get going and get away from that weirdo." Her eyes narrowed as she looked at Gunther and Felicia up and down. "Corrin, sweetheart, are you sure you want to bring a walking bag of bones and a maid to protect you?"

"All dad gave me was maids and butlers, at least Gunther has okay stats."

"You call that good stats?" laughed Camilla. "You have so much to learn my sweet little brother."

"Enough," said Xander. "Let us be on our way."

"You all go on ahead, I'll prepare my dragon."

"Elise, Elise!"

"That's right Elise," said Camilla, beaming, "it is bitching. Anyway, tell me plenty of stories about Corrin's meeting with father."

"It'll go great," said Corrin, "father and I have so much to catch up on. There's no way it could wrong."

From quite a distance away, Niles began to snicker. "What's so funny, my brother in arms?" asked Odin Dark.

"Life is just so beautiful, isn't it?"


	2. Boy or Girl?

**Chapter 2:**

 **Boy or Girl?**

* * *

"Lord father," said Corrin with a bow once the siblings arrived at the foot of King Garon's throne. "It's an honor meeting you again after so many years of isolation. Your wrinkles look the same as they did 13 years ago," he said with an honest and happy tone.

"N-Never mind that!" King Garon said, making a mental note to remind Iago to bring him more of the anti-age cream. "I am pleased to see that your crude yet cheerful demeanor hadn't been crushed into the mud by all those years spent in time out."

"Time out?" Corrin asked with a curious tilt of his head. "Wasn't I held there for years until I was ready to fight the Hoshido army?"

"Er, well," King Garon glanced at Leo who rolled his eyes before nodding. "Yes, that's exactly why you were there for all those years. Right. So, I heard that a certain, um, girlllll-boy!" he said, quickly fixing his mistake once he spotted Leo shaking his head. "A certain boy's birthday was today. And what better way to celebrate such a joyous occasion than squashing your foes into the mud, right Corrin?"

"Oh most certainly, lord father," said Camilla with a polite, lady-like giggle. "It would be good for our dear gem of the kingdom to get some practice done."

"Elise, Elise!" Elise agreed with a childish cheer.

"Okay, here's a map. Go beat the Hoshidians on the other side of the room," King Garon said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"But father, I don't have a sword."

"You know, Leo would finish without a sword, and he wouldn't complain about it one bit," Garon said with a familiar roll of his eyes. "Fine. Iago, get my daughter-"

"-Son," said Leo.

"Get my son a sword."

"Should I grab the cursed one that will slowly drive its user insane or the one that allows the user to bring the dead back to life?"

"Whichever one, they're all the same anyway."

Iago, making sure to keep his half of a mask on, walked over to Corrin and handed him a glowing, purple blade that radiated darkness and evil. "It goes well with your lack of shoes, you filthy barbarian," he muttered under his breath before retreating back into the hole he crawled out of.

"This sword is amazing!" Corrin cried out before bowing again. "It's perfect father, now I will defeat the Hoshidian prisoners. Gunther, Waifu-tron, with me!"

"Understood, master, desu desu," Felicia said, her arms transforming into chainsaws. "Combat mode initiated," her mechanical voice rang throughout the throne room as her eyes became a violent blood-red.

"I will do my best," Gunther said, already wheezing as his horse strolled over to the two captives.

A muscular woman with no weapons and a green-haired ninja were led by a battalion of Nohrian soldiers into the room. A particularly large man roughly shoved ninja stars onto the green-haired young man's hands while a scrawny knight shyly passed on a club to the woman before retreating along with his troops. "You Nohrian bastards are so damn confident that we won't be able to fight back, huh?!" The woman shouted with a murderous flame erupting in her eyes.

"Implying that you cretins will be able to defeat us," said the green-haired man with an icy tone. "Implying that the Hoshido country will bow down to you."

"Hey Leo, how can we understand the Hoshidians? Don't they have a completely different language than ours due to a significantly different culture?"

"Camilla, my dear sister, sometimes it's best to not bother thinking about these sorts of things too hard."

"It's time to fight," Corrin said, rushing at the girl with no caution. It just a few seconds, he found himself locked between her thighs.

"The ultimate technique of the fire tribe, the thunder-thigh lock!" The woman cried out, legs wrapped around Corrin's head. He could feel the blood being cut off from his brain and the other head beginning to reveal itself. "Die, filthy Nohrian!" Twisting back, her hands reached the the floor and spun her body. Next thing Corrin knew, he found himself flying towards the wall on the opposite end of the room.

"Waifu-tron, heal!" he cried out, wondering if the liquid cascading down his face was blood or tears.

"Much too busy murdering Hoshidian foe, desu desu," said Felicia, uniform now dyed a shade of crimson. "Gunther, Master Corrin requires assistance."

"I'm on it, I'm on it," said Gunther, moving through the throne room at the astounding speed of a half-dead snail. "Ol' Reliable has seen better days," he managed to utter after a particularly strong coughing fit.

"Have you ever noticed are units are terrible?" said Camilla.

"Our only saving grace is how awful the Hoshidian army is," said Leo, brushing a lock of hair out of his face.

"Carel-"

"-Corrin," corrected Leo.

"Kamui! Hurry up and finish this map. If Leo were doing it, he'd finish it in half the turns."

"On it, father!" called out Corrin, chugging a vulnerary stolen from Gunther. Swinging his sword around recklessly, giving himself an unintentional haircut as he did so, he launched himself at the fiery woman once more. The club and his blade clashed. "Your strength is admirable, for a Hoshidian."

A savage yet relatable smirk appeared on her visage-most likely mirroring Corrin's. "I could say the same, you pampered Nohrian dog." Both jumped back before clashing once more-their struggle causing goosebumps to travel down Corrin's limbs. "But I will not lose this fight. My freedom is on the line," she said through gritted teeth.

"Then you will never set foot on Hoshidian dirt again," said Corrin, feeling a burst of giddy bloodthirst erupt from inside of him. Suddenly, he backed away and spun around the woman, tripping her with a swipe from his right leg. Once she was down, he pointed his blade at her neck, the grin on his face never dropping. "I win. Now," he offered her his hand. "May I have your name?"

The rage-filled cry was something of a different magnitude-a sound he would never forget. Despite how tall and prideful the woman was, now she bashed her fists on the floor and shouted like a child.

"Finally!" said King Garon with a roll of his eyes. "Charlie-"

"-Carly," smirked Leo.

"-Carly won this dumb chapter so now we can all move on with our lives."

"I did?" Corrin glanced over to the downed body of the green-haired gentleman, surprisingly intact despite the pool of blood around him.

"I finished off the ninja, Master Corrin," Felicia bowed, attempting to be cute by blushing despite being drenched in blood.

"And I'm sure I helped somehow," said Gunther, finally reaching Corrin's side.

"All right, guards, kill the Hoshidians, they're not important to the plot, so they should die pretty easily-"

"No father," said Corrin, running to stand before the king.

"Sounds like someone wants thirteen more years in a forsaken fortress," said King Garon with a furrowed brow.

"Father, I can not let you kill these Hoshidians. It's too much fun playing around with them," said Corrin while the woman began to shout curses at him. "So, I want you to keep the captive."

"Okay, hold on a moment. Elise! There's a jar of cookies with your name on it in the kitchen, so be a dear and get on that, okay sweetie?"

"Elise, Elise!" she shouted, running past the Hoshidians and out the door in just a few steps. Once her shouts were no longer detectable, King Garon swung his axe and created a crater on the tiled floor.

"You dare disrespect your father in front of your siblings and Thunder-Thighs over there?!"

"I do not-"

"Leo! Fix this!"

"Understood," Leo sighed, walking over and casting a spell from his tome. Trees and branches enveloped their bodies before disappearing, leaving no vestige of the two captives.

"Leo, how could you do this?!"

"With this tome," he answered. "All right father, you should retire for now. Swinging that axe must have exhausted you."

"Not really, but trying to remember Kamui's-"

"-Corrin's."

"-Corrin's name certainly has. Very well, I shall retire and attend to that tea party I promised Elise. Meanwhile," once more, he raised his axe and pointed it at Corrin. "I expect you to learn to respect me by the time your birthday party comes around." With those final, amusing words, he left the throne room.

"I hope you're pleased with yourself, Corrin," began Xander, "now father's upset and he will not allow me to bring my fan club to dinner tonight again."

However, Corrin wasn't listening. "Leo, how could you just kill those two? I was going to fight them again! It was so exhilarating."

"They're not dead, I had Elise warp them somewhere else."

"Really?"

"Yes, my brother, however it's not safe to have them remain in the castle," said Leo. "We're going to have to release them."

"What? But, I'll never see them again."

"That's a good thing," chimed in Camilla. "After the damage that shirtless wench did to you, my Corrin dear." Playfully, she hugged him from behind and began to feel around. "Where are those damn Dragon Balls?!" she hissed.

"It's a little unbecoming of a king-to-be," said Xander, "but we don't really have much of a choice. Tonight, we'll meet up behind the castle, understood?" Everyone nodded. "Good," said Xander, smiling at his siblings.

* * *

"Corrin! What took you so long?!" Xander said, scowling.

"Sorry, sorry, Felicia volunteered to give me a massage, and I felt numb all over and I'm fairly certain that I have some sort of brain damage," said Corrin. "Anyway, I'm here." He glanced over to the two Hoshidians next to Leo, hands tied behind their backs and sacks over their heads. "This looks macabre out of context."

"Elise…" said Elise, munching on a cookie with a nod.

"Well, not much we can do about it," said Camilla, the handle of her axe resting on her shoulders. "Now then," she raised her weapon like an executioner and brought it down behind the woman. Within seconds, she removed the sack off her head and launched herself at Corrin. Once more, her thighs were crushing Corrin's head. Camilla sighed. "We're setting you free," she said, grabbing the woman by the nape of her neck and throwing her onto the concrete sidewalk of the garden.

"I don't want your mercy…!"

"We're not taking no for an answer," Camilla replied, smirking and bringing down her axe on the rope that bound the green-haired man's hands. He too removed the bag from his hand, but unlike his hot-headed companion, he jumped back and stood behind her. "Seems like his balls are the same size as his health bar," she chuckled as he flushed.

"Go now," said Corrin, stumbling forward so he could talk to the two of them better. "I'm setting you two free."

"Implying we're pets," said the ninja, sighing and leaving through the back gates.

The woman huffed. "You'll regret this day, Nohrian prince." She turned to run, but stopped as Corrin asked her a simple question.

"What's your name?"

"Rinkah," she said before running off. It was the second to last thing Corrin heard from her that night. The last was her foul language as she tripped and sprained her knee. Rinkah limped to freedom, never to be seen again until seven chapters later.


	3. Makoto and Daichi's Awesome Adventures

**Chapter 3**

 **Makoto and Daichi's Awesome Adventures**

* * *

"Hans will be joining you in this little excursion." King Garon's words echoed in Corrin's head as he rode on Felicia's uncomfortable and metallic shoulders, deep in thought. He looked over to Hans as he slaughtered several defenseless animals and used their blood as make-up.

"Hey," he whispered, "Felicia. Do you think we can trust this fellow?"

"Scanning, scanning...desu desu," Felicia said, looking up and down Gans' body, focusing exclusively on his rear end that was hanging in plain sight due to his outfit. As he turned to face them, her x-ray vision activated. "...85% trustworthy."

"85%? Well, that's pretty much a guaranteed hit!" said Corrin with a happy smile.

"Don't,"' wheeze, "act so cocky, Master Corrin," began Gunther. "Why, back in my day," wheeze, "we used to sacrifice give goats to the goddess of fortune and luck, Annabelle in order to," he paused as a mild heart attack came over him. "In order to raise our hit rate."

"Sounds like an awful time filled with bad graphics and not enough waifus."

"Don't disrespect the good," wheeze, "old days, Master."

"Almost here," announced Hans, allowing his axe to hang on his shoulders with ease-showing off his incredible strength. By now, the group of mismatched classes made it to a gray canyon that smelled vaguely of death, despair, and ramen. Crows perched on the bare, outstretched fingers of the trees laughed and chuckled at the lack of goddamn footwear that Corrin had. From the distance, silhouettes of people in armor were visibles. The glare of their steel swords penetrating the thick, unnerving fog.

"And it looks like we've got company, little prince."

"Yes, I can see them," said Corrin, narrowing his eyes as he spotted a bunch of Hoshidians throwing rocks down the canyon. "They're...doing nothing. _Menacingly_ ," he hissed the last word in an effort to be more dramatic.

"Sounds like Hoshidian filth to me," barked Hans, his mere breath causing Felicia's metallic shoulder to rust. "Let's go."

"Our orders did not include slaughter of Hoshidian foes, desu desu," began Felicia just as Hans ran through the wooden bridges and towards the bored and aloof samurai. "Shall we make chase?"

Corrin, grinning widely at the prospect of a battle, hopped off Felicia's shoulders and fell through the old, rotting wooden boards of the bridge. "Felicia, help."

* * *

"Hey, Makoto?"

"Yes, Daichi?"

"Is that a prostitute coming this way?"

"Hmm," the samurai known as Makoto narrowed his eyes. A silhouette of a broad-shouldered bald man wearing next-to-nothing at all made itself visible through the thick fog that surrounded the canyon. "I think I see him, but, not sure."

"I mean, judging by his outfit, there's no way that's a soldier."

"Yeah, I can see the outline of his...well," Makoto paused and whistled. "Hey, Akihiko," he called out to the sleeping archer nearby. "Akihiko!"

The archer snorted and shot up from behind the rock that he used as a pillow. "Whu-huh?! Oh, it's just you guys," he said. "What do you need?"

"Is that a prostitute in the distance?" asked Daichi, aimlessly making marks on the dirt with his blade. "Cause, I don't know about you, but I kinda have needs to be taken care of."

"Disgusting," muttered Makoto as Akihiko stood on the rock and peered into the distance. "Have you no shame?"

"Hey, not all of us have a girl waiting for our return," said Daichi, raising his hands defensively. "Anyway, Akihiko, you got good eyes, dontcha?"

"I'm an archer, I kinda have to have good ones."

"Y'know what I mean, smart-ass. Look, is that a prostitute coming towards us or not?"

"Oh yeah, definitely. I can see his ass swinging as he's running," answered Akihiko with a sage-like nod. "That outfit doesn't leave much to the imagination. Hang on," he narrowed his eyes and leaned forwards, looking more like a hawk that a human at that point. "Is that an axe? Why would a prostitute be carrying an axe-AURGH!" his words cut of as a hand axe connected with his jaw, knocking him backwards onto the ground.

"Akihiko!" shouted Makoto in anguish. "Everyone, we're under attack!"

"Oh god, oh god," muttered Daichi, knees refusing to stop shaking."

"Get ahold of yourself," said Makoto, slapping his shoulder. Beads of sweat dripped down the side of his face, but his lip remained tight and thin. "Grab your sword and prepare for battle."

* * *

"Wow, Hans sure is taking matters into his own hands," said Corrin once he was out of the hole. "He already took out an archer."

"Master Corrin," Gunter began, pausing to cough. "Maybe it's not a good idea to go around," wheeze, "stabbing Hoshidians and inciting a war?" Yet, Corrin had already used a Dragon Vein to build a bridge parallel to the one Hans was using. Sighing, Gunter left to join him, Felicia right behind him.

Hans cried out as a blade pierced through his dumbass armor. "Damn animals," he muttered, hopping back and holding his axe up in defense. "Looks like it's time for me to make my get-away," he said with a grin.

Makoto grit his teeth, slowly stepping forwards, hands and katana shaking. "You're not getting away," he said as a figure dashed past him.

"Bastard!" shouted Daichi, slashing wildly at Hans. "Y-You'll pay," he screamed, eyes wide with fear and anger. He raised his sword, yet a kick was all it took to push him back.

Bloodied and injured, Hans turned and ran.

"Wow, if only our story was that dramatic," said Corrin, watching the carnage from a safe distance, sword already passing through the neck of another samurai. "Okay, Gunther, all we need to do is get to that throne and claim it, right?"

"Correct," cough cough, "Any one of us, further depleting the value," wheeze, "of the lords and royal family."

"Hold it right there, Nohrian dog!" A high-pitched voice cried out. Peeking over his shoulder, he saw a brigade of three Pegasus Knights making their way over.

"Pegasus reinforcements?!"

"Be prepared to, like, say line often in this game, kiddo!" shouted another one of them, laughing like a princess would.

"Mmm," said the last one, twirling her lance in her hands like an expert.

Chuckling, Corrin raised his sword and widened his stance. "Come on, then!" he said, grinning as the knights flew towards him in a triangle formation.

"Like, we won't, like, lose!" One of them rushed past the other two and charged her lance forward, yet only succeeded in stabbing the ground Corrin once stood on. "Oh no," she muttered as a swift kick knocked her off her feet. "Oh no, I, like, lost all my HP! Stupid bad defense," she shouted melodramatically, clutching a hand with a broken press-on nail. "Gotta, like, retreat girls. Meetcha back at the castle." She ran off the cliff and gracelessly landed back on her pegasus.

"...That bitch has got to go," said the first one.

"Mmm," agreed the last. While they flew through the air, glaring daggers at their retreating ally before being caught in a rain of literal ones.

"I will assist you, Master, desu desu," said Felicia. Activating her rocket boosters, she flew through the air and above the knights. Spinning, daggers and knives fell onto them, inflicting countless amounts of damage on them.

"Damnit," said the first knight, blood beginning to spill on her pegasus. "Retreat!" As their stallions rode through the sky, she shouted to Corrin, "we'll be back you psychotic son of a bitch. We'll be back and even more irritating than last time!"

"Wow, sure is great that we'll never see them those guys ever again," said Corrin, boisterously chuckling. "All right, one more ninja and we win. Gunther, I got a plan."

Leaning against the wall of the fort, arms crossed over his chest, the ninja chuckled as he heard footsteps approaching. "I heard the commotion," he said. "I heard my comrades being slaughtered like animals by your blade." Opening just one eyes, smirking, he saw the mastermind behind the killings. A young man with bare feet, giving off the air of a retarded hippie-however redundant that phrase is. "Now, it will be I who spills your blood on the ground and avenge my brothers." Within the breath of a moment, the ninja appeared in front of Corrin, slashing at him with a kunai.

No effect.

"What-?!"

Shaking just his index finger, Corrin said, "Pair up bonuses," before finishing off the ninja with a critical hit. "All right, Felicia, take the fort!"

"Understood, Corrin, desu desu," said Felicia, landing on the space needed to end the map. "Desu desu." She bowed and began the cleaning procedure.

"Wow, no bullshit, what a surprise-" he stopped as two ninja master appeared in a cloud of smoke.

"Hi, we're here to be irrelevant," said the red-haired ninja.

"Hello," said a ninja wearing yellow.

"Let me at them," shouted Corrin.

"No, Master, these are promoted units," said Felicia. "Allow me to finish them off, desu desu," she said as her fingers turned into guns.

"Corrin, we're here!" Xander's voice echoed through the canyon as he suddenly burst through the fog like a hero straight from a fairy tale. "Leo," he began as he brandished his long and heavy sword with just one hand. "Are my fans watching?"

A familiar and heavy sigh was the next thing Corrin heard. "Yes, my brother, they can see you perfectly taking command and putting the Radiant Hero to shame."

"Excellent," said Xander, attention drawn back to the ninjas. "Leave before facing my blade."

"And my axe," said Camilla, flying through the air and landing right next to the yellow-clothed ninja. "Now, Hoshidians, hand over the Dragon Ball and nobody gets hurt." Instinctively, the yellow ninja covered her breasts with her arms.

"Corrin, you can go ahead and leave now," said Leo. "We'll be taking these fellows on. Go ahead and report back to father."

"Thank you," said Corrin, smiling. "Gunther, Felicia, come!"

"On," wheeze, coughing, heart attack, parkinson's syndrome, alzheimer's, "our way."

"I cannot, Master, desu desu," said Felicia. "I am cleaning."

"Oh, got it. Come on, Gunther, you and me."

The two of them ran through the cliffside, past the wooden bridge that rocked and shuddered as they made their way through the canyon. "Why didn't we just go through the stable rock bridge I built?"

"Shut up!" Gunther said. "We mustn't question the plot too much or we'll be punished-"

"Hello, little prince, time to die," Hans icy voice echoed through the night, and the sound of his axe hitting wood spread through the area.

"Hans?" Corrin said, looking around, not noticing the the bridge below him collapsing.

"Corrin!" A deep, masculine voice was the last thing he heard before he fell.

* * *

 **I've had enough.**


End file.
